Just Words
I found myself leaning against the wall on the far side of Teletraan's terminal core, staring at the backs of the other Autobots as Prowl described some tactical information that just came across from the Skyspy. I only half-listened to him, catching what I've heard described by the humans that are always around here as the Cliff's Notes version of what he was saying. I didn't need to listen. Prowl might be able to use big words better, but that didn't mean that I didn't see the information play out in front of me anyway, like one of Hound's holograms. They were just words, used for those Autobots that weren't created for this.
I looked down at the two guns resting in my hands. One of them was mine. My optics focused on the other. It was... is... Sideswipe's flare gun. When I go into battle, this gun always comes with now, always takes the first shot. It is a part of Sideswipe that is always with me, as if wielding a piece of metal firing charged plasma could give me solace in battle. Somehow I know that nothing can happen to me when I have his gun with me.
I looked up, hearing that Prowl was finished talking. Prime was now speaking with Prowl and Jazz, more than likely discussing how to use the information in battle. The other Autobots looked warily at me, standing against the wall with my arms at my side, clutching two powerful weapons in my hands. I simply stared back. Eventually, most of them left to work on whatever it is that they do before an upcoming battle, leaving me alone with my thoughts.
It has been months since Sideswipe was nearly killed and most of the other Autobots still act like they don't know what to do around me. Most give me a wide berth. Some act as though they are going to try to talk with me, but usually they simply don't know what to say. It's as if they are seeing me for the first time, not realizing that I have always stood in the back of the room during briefings, half-listening to the speaker saying things that I already knew. The only real difference is the extra gun in my hand. It's as if Sideswipe lying unconscious in the medical wing made them notice me. Ironic. It's not as if they couldn't notice me. Look at me. I'm absolutely brilliant.
It wasn't just during briefings that they seemed to notice me for the first time. They noticed during the battle itself. They watched as I attack the Decepticons, being sure to be as ruthless as they themselves would be to us. And if the Decepticons are destroyed on the battlefield? Good. Better them than an Autobot. But, when the battle is finished, that wary look grows in their optics again. Now, with Sideswipe absent, they are seeing what they think is a different warrior. They think I’ve grown more violent with him lying in some recharge chamber in Ratchet’s work area. A part of me knows that it's because so many of them are not warriors, but instead are forced into the role. They simply don’t understand. Fighting is what I’m supposed to be doing, after all. I am a soldier. My job is to fight our common enemies. But that is not what they see. That look in their optics tells me more than the words they cannot bring themselves to say. They wonder if I've changed. They wonder if I've become less caring in Sideswipe's absence.
I want my return glare to tell them, of course I've changed. Sideswipe is more than a brother to me. He is everything that I fight for. Even though I would never tell him that, I know that he knows this too. I still do fight for him, but a part of me is always in the medical wing with him. Just like a part of him is always with me, even if it is only a gun. But that doesn't change what I have always done in battle.
As for the "less caring" part of the equation, what could I possible say to them that would make them understand? Even the other warriors don't really know. Are they elite? Are they good? Yes. Are they on the same level as me and Sideswipe? No, not even close. If I didn't care, why in the name of Cybertron would I risk everything in battle everyday? Do they not think I know what could happen to me out there, especially with what happened to Sideswipe? Do they think I want to die? Sometimes I think that this is precisely what they believe, but I don't waste another thought on such things. It would be a waste of energy to try to explain something which words don't exist to describe. Instead, I simply fight for what I believe in. Actions speak volumes. If they think I'm too violent, if they believe that I don't show enough compassion to the killers that would show us none? Tough. It's what I've done for millions of years, most of those years with Sideswipe by my side.
I felt my hand's grip tighten on handle of the flare gun, it's reassuring heft at the end of my arm. I watched Optimus in front of me, motioning to the warriors spread out around the terminal core. I walked across the room. I waited for my orders and when the orders come down, I transformed and raced to the battlefield. I never said a word until the battle was over. What would have been the point? What could words have possible said that my actions could not?
Nothing, that's what. Because they’re just words.
The End.
Back to the Fanfic Page
Back to Prime's Watercloset